Flyover

I miss the comfort of my mind
I miss the solace of sanity
I watch the people flow
and I give in to vanity

I miss the shackles of mortality
I miss the feeling of sin
I miss the flavor of guilt
I miss the urges that defined me

I miss the confines of my mind
I exult in the freedom of nothingness
I celebrate the death of divinity
I stake my claim to be me

Proposed song lyrics for new Boyband

Sushil and Gregory as lead singers, the rest of us as backup dancers.
The song will have a romantic, bluesy, modernish classical feel

Verse1:
main hun ek patanga
tu meri mombatti (dhik chak dhik chak)

mai hu khushbu... aur tu agarbatti
(dhik chak dhik chak)

main hoon ghoda aur tu hai meri ghaas...
aaja na aaja mere paas (ten tana tanau)

Verse2:
hathi naali me bah nahi sakta...
mai tere bina rah nahi sakta...(dhik chak dhik chak dhik chak)

gadhe ke sar par seeng nahi hote
tum nahi hote to hum nahi hote

main hoon tera kutta aur tu hai meri billi
chal mil ke uda de pyar ki hum gilli

Chorus:
kutta mar gaya razai me...
mai paagal ho gaya teri judaai me

Random Thoughts

"society has got it all wrong. We should marry when we are in our 60s"

"The lakes of joka be dried and something built in its place. They are wasting a lot of space"

"Kill all the fucking crows one by one. Better still, burn the trees"

"The environmental-ist lobby is stupid. Global warming, environmental damage are all bakwaas"

"what is this obsession with entrepreneurship ?? I want to be a slave all my life."

"We make fun of women so we can show we are masochist rock stars."

"Why do you try to find a purpose in living?? Why are you not happy accepting we are just another piece of crap built by random interference"

Some thoughts overheard in IIM Cal. Not too difficult figuring out who thought of them, is it??

Missed Call

People underestimate the resourcefulness of Indians. They cite examples of the country's backwardness, social inequality, lawlessness and rampant corruption to prove their point. The fact that despite being gifted with an abundance of natural resources, India lags behind significantly in economic terms, strengthens their case. Don't worry. I won't attempt to connect the reasons for this ailment to the tilt of the earth's axis. Neither will I analyze the strategic implications of this on intergalactic travel. Let us leave such intellectually stimulating discussion to other blogs. My aim is to provide mind-numbing bakar.

Let us now go back a bit in time. It would do you good to refer to Genesis(27th May, 2009) here. Serious discussion had been the fad for a long time and God had finally had it. "I've had it", He said. "These people don't know what they want. Let me give them something that will change their lives." Cover versions of this quote were later made famous by Henry Ford and Steve Jobs, but few know that God had written the original words. Bakar was created, it spread far and wide, and it changed the world. God felt his work was done and went to the Bahamas for a vacation. But He might have been a wee bit hasty here. Unknowingly, He had thrust upon his children, a cataclysmic change. And since e-mail hadn't yet been created, no one raised a request for a bug fix to Him. And even if they had, it would be to no avail, for God's Blackberry* was switched off.

A googol of pina coladas later, God grudgingly decide to move back to heaven and take a look at how His children were faring. It was the late 18th century and Napoleon was at fierce battle with Nelson. God decided that this would be a nice watch and conjured up some popcorn. Although few know about it, but Nelson had sent a messenger to Napoleon warning him to stay away form the Nile, lest his fleet be vanquished. Napoleon consulted his generals and sent a reply to Nelson. Napoleon's messenger journeyed 8 arduous days on foot to reach Nelson's camp and read out the great man's message. There were three letters on the silk scroll which read, "L-O-L". The rest is history. Nelson destroyed Napoleon's fleet on August 1st, 1798, but before that, the messenger got disillusioned, quit his job and became an atheist on May 1st, 1798. He was the first communist of the world.

God finally realised the destructive nature of bakar and thought of erasing it from the face of the world. But He also saw the good that it had done. He fell in deep dilemma. "Pretty little pickle I'm in", He said. After doing a SWOT analysis and preparing a balanced scorecard, He figured that most problems began with long distance Bakar and decided to conjure up a device for the same. But the analysis had taken a wee bit longer than expected, because it was 1876 and Alexander Graham Bell had already been granted a patent for the telephone. God expressed his mild annoyance on this matter by writing the first-ever rock single, "These Crappy Patent Laws" and retired to the Fiji islands.

On 15th August, 1947 India became independent. According to a 1950 survey by St. Peter (as God was still sulking in Fiji), India was the country that had the most number of active bakar conversations per month in the world. China was 123rd in the list. Science had also grown in leaps and bounds by then, with the discovery of the atom and pro-wrestling. In 1952, St.Peter made a presentation to God, where he is rumoured to have said, "There is a definite use case for a device which supports long-distance bakar on the move in India. It would be strategic naivete to neglect a distinct consumer need that demands bakar 24x7." God's witty comeback was, "Pshaw".

The rest, once again, is history. The mobile phone was a huge hit all around the world and had just entered India. The operators rubbed their hands gleefully as they set high tariffs. St. Peter took a sabbatical and God felt bad. But wait, there's a twist to this tale, yet. One fine day, the unresourceful, wasteful Indian invented the missed call. Operators cried their hearts out and God was finally happy that He could pretend He was vindicated. In a gracious move, He invited St. Peter back to heaven, with the words, "Na-nana-na-na, I told you so, I told you so". St. Peter who was fed up with the dog-eat-dog world of mobile VAS sales, swallowed his pride and came back. They lived happily ever after. The End.

*The fact that God had a Blackberry back then, can be easily explained as a consequence of a break in the fabric of the space-time continuum.

Why the IPL is good for India's economy

Who the hell knows. But that shouldn't be a reason for not talking about it. The first rule of bakar is that it is good. The second rule is, the more you do it the better it gets. Having established these fundamental tenets of bakardom, lets move on.

The episode took place during the 40 odd days before the recently concluded IPL.

A raging issue was plaguing most intellectually vacant minds. Is the IPL good for India's economy? Why or why not?

Most experts reached the consensus that the IPL makes a lot of money. Not much confusion there. Its when they tried to figure out how exactly all this money gets distributed that all hell broke loose. These experts presented highly varied opinions on this matter ranging from insightful ones like "the IPL induces spending by the people, which is a good thing for the economy" to supremely insightful ones like "What money? I haven't made any money" to mind-blowing, world-changing ones like "Chumba Wumba Ola Ho". A lot of these opinions were presented in blog posts in the blogosphere (where else) and helped Google make more money on ads. But this did nothing to dissolve the uncertainty in the air. Does anyone care? Will someone find a way out?

They didn't. But nobody was disappointed. Here, finally, was a topic to argue about and it was not going to be snatched away by some smart ass who solved the issue just to appear smart (many believe this is also the reason why the Bermuda Triangle mystery, the Area 51 controversy, life on Mars, the falling of the great jibblets and many such unsolved issues have remained unsolved to this day).

Then, all of a sudden, it was decided by the country's leadership that the IPL will, in fact, be held outside India for security reasons, thereby bringing a rather abrupt halt to the all the intellectually stimulating bakardom. It seemed to be a hopeless situation to many. Some even posted emails entirely in capital letters to express extreme anger over such callous behavior by the Government. Just when the law and order situation seemed to be spiralling out of control, a smart ass showed up (the same smart ass who didn't bother to solve the original issue). His suggestion was as simple as it was elegant. It was also short. "Lets discuss why the IPL is good for South Africa's economy", he said.

It took a while to sink into everyone's head. But when it did, there was joy again. The sky was blue again, the birds chirping, there was bakar on everybody's lips and the world was a better place.

Until...(contd.)

The IPL Strategy Break!!!!

Before the show continues I put in my views in the strategy break!!!!

Three observations about the IPL
- The IPL in South Africa proved that even an Indian marketing gimmick can fool people all over the world.
- Did you see the non-Indians dancing to the bollywood tunes (I am not exactly sure whether they were dancing presuming them to be the ones from which those have been plagiarized) ??
- The commentators discussing how making a cocktail of Bollywood and Cricket - the best two drinks from India - has made the greatest punch ever.
I see these commentators coming straight out from a country liquor shop.

Lebensraum

Bakar Bay and the town of Bakar, Croatia

Thought provoking lyrics

faao han ye mokshi uu maha chhayir maha chhayir maas chhayir maas chhayir (I believe this translates as: Kamal Hassan is king, Rajani sucks)

lataka dikha diya
hamane jhataka laga diya tumane tada ho tumako tada mataka ke chal diye ham to khataka huwa hai
kyuun tumako tada ho tumako tada manch ki jo aurat hai desh ka sensation nazar milaayi nazaron se
sabhi ko temptation chhod denge chhod denge ham ho ho ho old saara chhod denge ham o ho ho dhin
tak dhin tak dhin o ho ho deviyon ka saath denge ham lataka dikha diya hamane jhataka laga diya
tumane tada ho tumako tada mataka ke chal diye ham to khataka huwa hai kyuun tumako tada ho tumako
tada ghuum le kidhar bhi udhar hi glamour hai umar bhi javaan hai sabhi to humour hai hamanein vo
joke sune censor bhi nahin sune hamane jo dress pahanin filmstar bhi na
pahanein chuudidaar-vuudidaar bhuul jaayein hollywood bollywood chhuute pichhe ye pahan vo pahan
bore ho gaye aakir mein ghaaghara bhi bhaaga pichhe chhod denge chhod denge ham ho ho ho old
saara chhod denge ham o ho ho dhin tak dhin tak dhin o ho ho deviyon ka saath denge ham lataka
dikha diya hamane jhataka laga diya tumane tada ho tumako tada mataka ke chal diye ham to khataka
huwa hai kyuun tumako tada ho tumako tada kamariya kamal si lachak hai noodal si dil ko puncture
jo kare nazar hai needle si apani jo kabarein hain, b b c mein bhi nahin ham jaisi sundarata m tv
mein bhi nahin mithi-mithi baaton ka mukkaala mandi mein bhi mahal mein bhi, muqaabala jhuuth
nahin bola mainne gopaala jhuuth hai to pi le tu cocacola chhod denge chhod denge ham ho ho
ho old saara chhod denge ham o ho ho dhin tak dhin tak dhin o ho ho deviyon ka saath denge
ham lataka dikha diya hamane jhataka laga diya tumane tada ho tumako tada mataka ke chal diye
ham to khataka huwa hai kyuun tumako tada ho tumako tada manch ki jo aurat hai desh ka
sensation nazar milaayi nazaron se sabhi ko temptation chhod denge chhod denge ham ho ho ho old
saara chhod denge ham o ho ho dhin tak dhin tak dhin o ho ho deviyon ka saath denge ham

(Speakes volumes about the youth of this nation)
(Speakes volumes about the kind of talentless hacks that are hired by Bollywood)

Madam I'm Adam

Star buttons, not tub rats.


(They are palindromes)
(Marvel at my creativity, minions)
(Han shot first)
(The notes are bigger than the column itself)
(Oh! The humanity!)

Dawning of a new Dawn, Crowning of a New Crow

It is at the end of a caffeine fuelled, metal inspired, completely random day that I type. The first inkling of that has to be the title.

Read that title. Understand the import of it.

As we, as heralds of a greater tomorrow, stand on the cusp of greatness, basking in our new found insignificance, completely aware of the challenges that await us as we stride into uncertainty, face the new dawn, let us realize the magnitude of what it will take. If you have understood any of that, if you have peeked into a picturesque vista of randomness that was the lack of logical though culminating in a long sentence, then you my friend need help.

I stand to make each post a cathartic experience and the scope afforded by the curiously intelligent gaze of a blank text box, but affords that.

I stand to impress upon all you acolytes of comfort, children of a generation born into apathy and bred into indifference, that standing is sometimes good as your legs will otherwise fall asleep.

I stand because I can, plus my boss says I always sit.

I can blog on a host of aspects. The complete lack of direction and the final futility of life that is striking us like a blonde in a red dress, now that we're "grown ups" and working. Cloistered as we've always been by the niches of academia and home, we've all now come face to face with the randomness of working life and the complete lack of purpose that is the tenuous pursuit of "remaining". All we can ask is why. Am i a nihilist? No. Nihilists had it all wrong. Succumb to the ultimate paradox of self awareness they all did. Moving on.

I can blog on a host of aspects. Why did the plane crash off brazil? Why did Nadal lose? Is it all random? Is a good presentation contingent on the hopes and expectations of my bosses? Is it all so subjective in the end that nothing matters?

The purpose of this post is this, now. If you've read till this point, realize : It's all random. We are children of randomness and the best we can do it to love it. The meandering exercise that was the pursuit of reaching this one paragraph is a reflection of the meandering route through life, perhaps. Or maybe it's just the coffee talking.

Either way, I dont mean to pontificate, I mean to waste your time. Love it.

The End.

I Have a Dream

The Fender Stratocaster, often referred to as the Strat, is a model of electric guitar designed by Leo Fender, George Fullerton and Freddie Tavares in 1954, and manufactured continuously to the present. The Stratocaster has been used by many leading guitarists, and thus can be heard on many historic recordings. Along with the Gibson Les Paul, Gibson SG, and the Fender Telecaster, it is one of the most common and enduring models of electric guitar in the world. The design of the Stratocaster has transcended the field of music to rank among the classic industrial designs of all time; examples have been exhibited at major museums around the world. The Stratocaster has been widely copied; as a result, the term "Strat," although a trademark of Fender Musical Instrument Corporation, is often used generically when referring to any guitar that has the same general features as the original, regardless of manufacturer.

The Stratocaster features three single coil pickups, with the output originally selected by a 3-way switch. Guitarists soon discovered that by jamming the switch in between the 1st and 2nd position, both the bridge and middle pickups could be selected, and similarly, the middle and neck pickups could be selected between the 2nd and 3rd position. Jimi Hendrix would also move the switch across the settings while sustaining a note, creating a characteristic 'wobbly' sound. This trick became widespread and Fender responded with the 5-way pickup selector (a standard feature since 1977)[9] which allowed these tonal combinations and provided better switching stability; the "quacky" tone of the middle and bridge pickups, popularized by players such as David Gilmour, Mark Knopfler, Bob Dylan, Eric Clapton and Robert Cray, can be obtained by using the pickup selector into positions 2 and 4.

Fender supply a variety of signature models, each with specifications similar to those used by a well-known performer. Custom Artist guitars are the Custom Shop versions; they slightly differ from the regular artist signature range in terms of quality and construction, making these instruments much more expensive than the regular production versions. Artists with models available in the signature range include Jeff Beck, Ritchie Blackmore, Eric Clapton, David Gilmour, Buddy Guy, Eric Johnson, Yngwie Malmsteen, Mark Knopfler, Stevie Ray Vaughan and others.

So...After that great reading of wikipedia, I think I finally qualify as an expert now. I think I'll start an opinionated blog on it. OR, I could start a website called ****.** (get it?; wink, wink). No wait, someone already did that. Damn. I Used to Have a Dream. The End.

P.S.: The first 50 users who can crack the website name correctly, may win prizes. Or you may just crack it to inflate your already-inflated-puzzle-solving-egos. Remember, this is not a cheap attempt at increasing comments on this blog. Really, The End. Bye....

AM and PM

1. Ppl say AM comes before PM, it's true.

AM - Antonio Maino

PM - u know

2. Lessness - That's how Preity Zinta calls Wadia when he cracks a PJ.(Hope u got it)

3. Leaving for the day - Most of the times I say this when I leave in the night.

Why am I posting this?

Coz I can

Office, Office

As I sat at home on Monday morning and frittered the time away, I was reminded of Office Space. Hilarious movie, I am sure you'll agree. But so very relevant. And after just a month as a "management trainee", I have realised that not only does it apply to my 1-year software stint in 06-07, it also applies, perhaps more so, here. In the end all that matters is how much bullshit you can pull and get away with. My theory is that office social rules, (and maybe life's rules in the civilized world) are made, bent and broken by a series of one-upmanship games. It’s all about how shameless you can be.

 

For example, it was implicitly expected of us trainees to wear business casuals to work. Friday was a bone the HR had thrown us, where we could show up in our Sunday best. “This is how we present ourselves while dealing with our external partners (read: clients, vendors, blabla)”, they'd hint. The fact that the only ‘external partners’ we'd be meeting during the training period were the caterers working in the office mess, was a non-issue. Now, this rule kind of applied only for us newbies I figured, because the rest of the office showed up in tees and jeans the whole week. So, I got shameless and followed the example and not surprisingly, people around me pretended not to notice. Office is fun that way. The farce of corporate political correctness has pervaded so deep, that nobody dared point out to me, this "flagrant foul" that I had committed. This sort of confrontation unsettles the working-class professional. This guy would sell his grandmother at the blink of an eye if it meant that he could meet his sales targets, but being blunt to a co-worker was a no-no.

 

Then, one fine morning, when I had run out of fresh socks, I thought, why not push my theory to see where it breaks? I am proud to say that I became the only male to wear open footwear in office. Quite an achievement, I must say. And apart from the occasional uncomfortable stare that I get, my theory is still holding good. Stare all you want fellas, but sticks and stones will break my bones, but… stares… won’t… do that.

 

Anyhoo…I wonder which of my co-workers will eventually step up and say something, because I'm all for continuing this social experiment. A commendable sacrifice for the cause of mankind, I must say. Either I'll end up empowering employees to wear shorts to client meetings, or break this mask of sickening professional nicety. In either case, I'm guaranteed of getting the credit for ridding this world of a whole lot of corporate bullshit and bringing stuff out into the open.

 

P.S.: After I thought of writing this post, the HR head made a polite observation that it wasn’t very tactful on my part to wear floaters and walk into the conference room. Damn these evil corporate honchos, they sure know how to have their cake and eat it too. There goes another one of my dreams.